


Tunnel Vision

by Aaron_The_8th_Demon



Series: God Damn Apocalypse [5]
Category: Van Helsing (TV 2016)
Genre: Chronic Pain, Military Training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 22:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15981488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaron_The_8th_Demon/pseuds/Aaron_The_8th_Demon
Summary: Axel refused to become a monster. End of discussion.





	Tunnel Vision

 

It wasn’t strictly true that vampires didn’t feel.

They could still be in physical pain.

Or at least, Axel was in pain.

It felt like his body was trying to turn itself inside out. Pounding through his skull, reaching down his neck and into the rest of his body - the need for fresh blood. Fresh _human_ blood. That alone kept him rational. He wasn’t a feral. Ferals would eat anything they could catch. But the monster he was now only wanted human blood. He could handle it.

Of course, it wasn’t a sense of right or wrong that kept him from hunting down people and eating them. That sense of right or wrong had been muted the second he’d started to turn. But Axel still had a firm grip over his logic. The marine he’d been was hammered in thoroughly enough to stop him, because he had a goal. He would complete that goal if it killed him. His training and his logic, the stubborn hard-headedness in him, wouldn’t let him give up. Axel would find Vanessa. She would fix him. He’d be a man again instead of a monster.

That monster railed against finding her. It screamed inside his mind, demanding to be fed, making him cramp and need to tear out somebody’s eyes. His bones ached and his ears buzzed.

_Blood! Blood! Blood!_

The need was hurting him. Axel felt like he was burning to death from the inside out.

And Doc wasn’t helping.

She’d left him there to die. Just like she left Smitty. Exact same way. Axel was not happy with that development at all… and of course now he was stuck with her, on the road trip from hell. But he wouldn’t eat her, not even given the chance. She smelled… off. Sour. Like she wouldn’t sustain him if he did. Being a feeder, his senses told him everything he needed to know about that situation - Vanessa’s bite had done that. Doc was now impervious.

That meant that once they reached Vanessa, and once Axel was cured, he’d be impervious, too. That made his goal all the more important. Axel would make it, because he was a marine, and marines get shit done that needs doing.

He was getting tunnel vision.

Axel demanded for Doc to pin him, and she tried to protest, but he screamed at her until she complied. He was staked to a tree, thrashing, because now the monster was in charge of his body and it was trying to escape. It needed blood. His muscles were beyond his reach until he could overcome the craving, the _need._ He’d let his focus break and now he was paying for it, but soon Axel would be in control of himself again. He just needed to find his point of focus, re-center. The blood rage would recede. It always did eventually.

Lesser men had tried to break him. Axel hadn’t given up when he’d been locked up in the hospital, and he hadn’t given up even after being left for dead down in The Farm. He wouldn’t be broken by himself. Axel-the-marine was too fucking stubborn to give in to Axel-the-vampire.

Doc was just watching him, trembling. She had every reason to be afraid of him, and Axel sure as fuck wasn’t going to do anything to ease that fear. She deserved to look on in terror - that the ropes wouldn’t hold this time, or the spikes would come loose, and then it really would be the end of that discussion.

He had to get himself squared away, because right now Axel and this whole situation were nothing but a fucking soup-sandwich. His logic and training took over - envision your goal. See the end result in your mind. He glared out at the world through the red haze, still gnashing against the rope, but the struggles of the monster were weakening under his inner steel. He could force it back just like he’d done however many times before.

Picture your goal.

His goal was Vanessa.

Axel would reach Vanessa and she’d fix him. He would never need to be bound up again, pinned back to keep things from getting out of hand. He would be a marine again, on the outside instead of just in his reeling mind. He wouldn’t have to hold back an inner monster anymore.

Vanessa.

Picture Vanessa.

She would fix him.

Axel just had to reach her. He didn’t give a shit about anything in the world around him, because any emotional reaction to anything or shred of conscience had been stamped out for the time being. But as long as he could at least _pretend_ to care, it was that much weaker the vampire was. So Axel just had to make it to Vanessa. Because then he could care again.

Axel could see again, and slowly he was able to make himself move. He stopped fighting and chewing the ropes, just letting himself sag against them. That was the signal that it was safe, Doc could let him free, because Axel-the-vampire would try to trick her and say he was fine but would never let go of the tension. Axel-the-marine could still relax and stop moving.

Doc untied him and he staggered forward. It had taken him three hours, just like always. That was good news. It meant he wasn’t slipping, he hadn’t needed longer than normal to get the monster under his boot. He was a stubborn son of a bitch - everyone he’d ever met had told him so on no uncertain terms - and that was saving him now.

He just had to make it to Vanessa.

Once Axel reached Vanessa, he would be a marine again, he would feel again, he would be a man again instead of a monster. Because Axel refused to be a monster for a second longer than it took to reach her.

End of discussion.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments/kudos.
> 
> If you enjoyed this work, please feel free to check out my original WIP, [Nucleus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10027367).


End file.
